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Monday, April 21, 2014

I killed a bumble bee.

I've never been a fan of insects. especially those who think that they're human best friend.
I sound mean, but in this particular day, a bumble bee flew in my room and chill for hours.

I freak out,obviously. 

I ran out my room, panic. Now that bee gonna chill in my room forever. I start calling people around for advise. Most of them ask me to let the bee be. 

' Open the window and door it will fly out eventually.' said those who knows .

I did that and It didnt work. bad advise ever please.
The bee enjoy chilling by the curtain instead having the idea to buzz out and enjoy the nature. Imagine surfing the net where out of sudden that bee decided to sting the shit out of you. I freak out, again, with imagination.

' Just fucking kill it with your shoe if you had the chance! It's either you kill it or it'll sting you ' Said good advise Jana.

Which I decided to do it because I just couldn't stand the fear anymore. Courage came to me, I murder it with a thick text pad. I slam the bee as hard as i could with my weapon, with my forces towards the curtain then the window.

It died. and I double slam again, just in case. 

Then I photograph it beautifully with my phone, edited and share around my friend.

I murder a bumble bee. Now, you don't mess with me.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

I climb up the rooftop

Thought I could write a little before I starts writing my essay. Right now what I'm feeling is fear. The fear of future. The fear of not getting things done, the fear of planning, the fear of not getting a placement here in UK, the fear of being not good enough. It's all clouding up my head that it upset me every time i thought of it. So i went to have a lil bit of fun, like shopping and hanging out. Every time I come back feeling helpless that I wasted so much time. The fun is not helping me to feel better. It's making me feeling that I'm back to reality. 
 All of sudden I don't wanna grow up. I cant plan my future well, I don't know where to start. I have the urge of letting things flow, but things just don't go that way. I need to get a placement when summer strikes, a place to stay when my accommodation contract ends. I have to be independent and mature now but I'm so scare stepping into this mature world. It really scare the shit out of me that I dont know how to step forward at all. I'm too comfortable, I never thought growing up would be so troublesome.